


Look... IT's funny

by Diricawl_Van



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Comedian Richie Tozier, Drabble, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fix-It, Funny, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, also not mentioned but it's just a fact, comedy bit, hopefully you laugh, mentions of death but it's a joke so not triggering i hope, richie is funny, stans not mentioned but he's alive cuz i said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22770970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diricawl_Van/pseuds/Diricawl_Van
Summary: "And it was just as weird as it sounds. First, we were with all our friends attacking that clown in this huge ass room in the sewers when he suddenly got spider legs, like being demon clown against a bunch of forty year-olds isn’t an advantage enough.” He paused “And my husband and I ran into a tunnel like a bunch of pussies that we are. “aka. fic in which Richie looked at his sleeping husband, looked at the framed picture of all 7 losers together, looked at open word document, remembered universe dead lights showed him and went "You know what? IT's funny"
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, The Losers Club & Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 79





	Look... IT's funny

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically me going tragedy + time = comedy but only if everyone's happy =) I hope it's funny but if it's not I laughed quite a bit so it's worth it =P
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The audience clapped and whistled while Richie came on the stage. He started talking as soon as he got to the microphone. 

“So a few days ago I had a really weird dream. Like, it was weird even for my standards and look at me.” Richie did a fake pirouette and the audience laughed when we tripped a bit. “ANYWAY, I dreamt that there was a human eating demon clown coming to eat my husband and, like, DUDE, I’m the only one that can do that”

He said the last sentence in a mock offended voice and let people laugh at it.

“And it was just as weird as it sounds. First, we were with all our friends attacking that clown in this huge ass room in the sewers when he suddenly got spider legs, like being demon clown against a bunch of forty year-olds isn’t an advantage enough.” He paused “And my husband and I ran into a tunnel like a bunch of pussies that we are. “

Someone in the crowd laughed louder than the rest and Richie was 80% sure it was Beverly. 

“So there, in the tunnel, were three doors. One with written “Scary” on it, one with “Not Scary At All” and one with “Very Scary”. And we went for “Very Scary” first.” He made dramatic pause “Duhh” 

People laughed even though when Richie wrote it in the script Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“And then, when I opened it, it was just a giant closet and I thought wasn’t funny since everyone and their grandma knows that I’m home of sexual.” Another dramatic pause. “I got out of there agesss ago!”

“Then, of course, a pair of legs without an upper body came running into us so we quickly closed the door. Like, no thank yoouuuu.” He made a disgusted face while speaking in a high pitched voice and pretending to close a door. “And so we opened the “Not Scary At All” door”. 

He drank a bit of his water. 

“It was one dark tunnel with nothing in it but a cute little Pomeranian. Now, dogs are adorable and basically the only reason for existence, really, but we are in a demon clown cave so I look at its little face and go.” He crouched a bit and made a face ‘I know your moves, you little bitch’. “

He waited until the audience stopped laughing. 

“But that did absolutely nothing. The dog was still a cute looking little dumbass. So I made it sit. And now you have me and my husband basically one leg inside a grave, a child eating demon behind our back, cooing at the little dog in front of us.” He paused yet again. 

“Yeahhh that wasn’t the smartest idea. The little bitch turned into a monster, so we slammed the door in it’s face and ran. The demon spider clown went to bother others while we were all over dog, by the way. And THEN” he let out exhausted sigh, at which audience laughed hard , “It was a long ass dream, I’m telling you. It took me two hours to write everything once I woke up” 

“Anyways, we come back to the room where our friends were still fighting the spider clown and it was just about to eat one of them when my big brain thought how to prevent that, so I took bunch of rocks from the floor and started throwing them and screaming at the clown. Which is, of course, how I deal with everything in life. “

He made yet another pause and drank some more water. 

“So.. it clearly didn’t like it because it stopped me middle sentence. How it stopped me, I don’t know. My husband would also like to know because he can’t rest because of my constant talking. Anyhow, when it looked at me there was light and I basically turned into a zombie and made me fly into air a bit.”

“It literally went like, “Hey fuckface! You’re sloppy bitch!! That’s right! Let’s dance! Yippi ka ye mothe-“” at that Richie stopped looked up, tongue out and made a funny pose. People laughed quietly a bit. Then Richie jumped a little, regained his posture and cleared his throat. He chucked a bit as well. 

“Anyways that’s when my brave husband, who I deeply adore, came and yeeted a piece of fence at the clown, at which it howled in pain and I fell down just a bit shaken up, no biggie.” He then pretend that he tossed long hair behind his shoulder. 

“But my husband went to check on me anyways and just as he was about to celebrate killing the clown, the motherfucker got up, stabbed my beautiful baby in the chest and threw him across the room” Richie made some hand motions as if he was the one throwing Eddie “and just left him in one of the caves.”

He shuddered a bit to which audience laughed. 

“Hey! My husband dying or getting hurt is my biggest fear, how DARE you laugh at my trauma!” 

“And so, the whole squad runs there and while I’m trying to keep the love of my life alive they are there”, he makes quotation marks in the air and used a mocking voice, “planning how to kill the clown demon who killed thousands ehhgg”

The audience laughed louder. 

“But lets get back to my husband and I. So I’m there panicking, trying to stop the blood or whatever and he takes my hand and goes “Richie..”. “ he pauses a few seconds, “Now you’d expect when your significant other is dying from them to say I love you or kiss you right? WRONG! This bitch sat there, held my hand, looked me dead in the eye and went “I fucked your mum” AND THEN HE JUST DIED! “ At this point half of the audience was crying from laugher, “AND I STILL CRIED OVER HIM!” 

While audience was still laughing as Richie added, “The rest went and bullied the clown to death or something like that, I don’t really care” which made audience scream even louder, 

Once everyone calmed down Richie continued. 

“Now I’m sure some of you are wondering: ‘Richie, this was a really long dream’” he was using some annoying high voice. He then paused turned to the audience and pointed at them with his finger “I warned you, little shits” he continued with the annoying voice “When did you wake up?”

“Actually my husband woke me up and was like

“Not only did you slept through the whole day, literally until I came back from work, but you were also kicking, screaming and crying. I thought someone was trying to kidnap you.”

“And now, I don’t remember this, I’ve slept for 14 hours, my brain was fucking fried, but apparently I replied with “Don’t die. Ever.” And he was like “I mean, shit. If you say so.””

With the whole audience crying of laughter he bowed and finished.

“This has been Richie trashmouth Tozier annoying you have a great day!”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways comments will be appreciated and I would like to know if you'd like more of this or I should stick with angst and fluff.
> 
> Thanks for reading have a great day =) <<33


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